Live More Fully In Your Authentic Self

How do we break through the scab of wounds that feel like they are a second skin? So familiar, perhaps, they feel primary to who we are. Clients often tell me they cannot differentiate their authentic self from their wounded self. And yet, I promise them, that when they slow down enough, they can. Our wounded self is an amalgam of all of our false beliefs and trapped emotions that have been stored in our minds and bodies over our lifetime. They have been created and harbored in an attempt to keep us feeling safe in the world. Our authentic self, on the contrary, is not a part of who we are. It is the entirety. It is our wholeness. It is the Self we were always meant to be. The Self that is untouched by wounding, pain and confusion. The Self we were born into. And the Self we all separated from in early childhood as our inherent quest for connection and attachment took precedence in order to get our needs met and survive.

We cried when we were little as a way of expressing our emotions and communicating our needs. It was the only way we knew how to ask for our needs to be met. If our cries went unanswered, our nervous system stepped in, thankfully, to protect us from becoming overwhelmed. As infants, expression of our emotions were not "good" nor "bad", they simply were a means of communication. And required co-regulation in order to be toned. A crying infants nervous system soothes when their caregiver picks them up and regulates them. This is how our nervous system gets wired to feel safety and connection. It is safe to express emotions because you are not alone in this process and there is someone to help you regulate them. There is no need to repress them because they are regulated before becoming overwhelming. This is just the physiological way of life. Therefore, if our nervous system did not learn co-regulation early on, it becomes wired to move us away from our emotions (repress them) in order to keep us feeling a sense of safety in disconnection. And yet, we are inherently wired to connect. This is where confusion sets in. A physiological need to connect while being wired to feel as if safety is gained through disconnection, from our emotions, as well as others. The beauty is, that since our nervous systems are primed through a learned, lived experience, we are able to re-learn how to bring them back into connection and safety in the present moment. As opposed to remaining stuck in ways of coping that protected us when we were too small to know any other way. In actuality, it is our connection to our emotions that hold wisdom that is the very portal back to knowing our authentic self.

Knowing that emotions are physiological responses to experiences in life, it is essential that we learn to acknowledge and care for them when they arise. They are neither "good" nor "bad". In fact, they are trying to tell us something and it is important for us to listen to their inherent wisdom. The only way to heal is to feel. So, with this in mind, when you get activated and pain arises in your life, I invite you to shift your focus and awareness away from the what or who caused the pain and toward the pain itself. Tend to your emotional wound as you might a physical one. Reconnect back to your body. Where are you experiencing sensations? What do they feel like? Given that your mind and body seek the familiar as a way of keeping you feeling "safe", you may instinctually feel the desire to distract yourself from feeling whatever is arising in your body. I'm inviting you to access the courage to do something different. To stay with any arising sensation in your body. To watch it, befriend it, get curious about it. Invite it in - like an old friend. Welcome it with your breath, awareness and care. What do you notice when you welcome the feeling and give it space to not get buried and stuck in your body? Even for one conscious breath. It may amplify initially, but like a wave it will eventually crest, break and end up at the shore. This sensation will release. I promise you. The energy of an emotion that is acknowledged, felt and given space to be seen and released has a very short lifespan. Emotions are energy that when freed, ultimately free us to live more fully in our authentic Self.